i was reading blogs and going through some facebook accounts (including zab's). and came across all the pretty and creative photos and artworks. i've always have an interest in arts, but never have such great talent to produce work like those. or rather i should say, i've no talent at all. i've spent all the before-sleep time thinking about what i do best, and i couldn't think of any. especially at the this point of time, when i'm supposed to start plan my career path.
some interviewers had asked me, "why are you getting jobs in admin? i can see that you're a lively person and i don't think this is the kind of job for you.." then again, don't most of the people in this world work just for the sake of it, and probably didn't like what they do? and just dread going to work, and leading a mundane lifestyle..
i envy people who has the chance to go overseas, pursue after what they aim for in life, and being talented. they're so lucky to be able to expose to such a different environment compared to singapore, and there are so many so many much better opportunities out there. but being talented is a god's gift. it's like, you know what you can do with what you have/possessed, and you get your direction in life.
i don't have money, no talent. and i feel like i'm so lost. then again, i'm not exactly the kind of person who dare to take whatever opportunity that i get. i think alot, and then i'll start telling myself all the cons instead of pros, and give up in the end. i'm not an extremely ambitious person. to me, relationship is quite a big deal and i always think happily ever after. i'll rather choose to be with my love one, then sacrificing him for the other things (like career..) i mean i still will wanna work, but i'll always put his considerations before mine, then decide if this job is suitable for me. it will be like, if it's suitable to fit into his time, then it's for me. and sometimes, i just hate being like this. so i'm pretty much contradicting my whole life. i'm so lost. like what zab and me were discussing about, when it comes to relationship at this point of time when things are changing, when tough decisions have to be made, it seems more like a hindrance. i feel it at times too. i wanted to try out SIA interviews when they were still hiring, but becos he said no, i kinda gave it up. but i felt that this is the only job that i've an interest and passion in, but i can't do it.. it's so tough to even get in, but i haven't even try. i just can't let it died..
so lost so lost so lost..  ¶ 10:10 AM